The Necrotarian's Food Guide

[Fauxmage]

Sausage: Chopped up bits of the head, feet, and neck, mixed with "natural" flavors, "natural" colors, lots of chemicals to keep it from putrefying, and stuffed into a colon.

This family of very highly processed substances is an excellent example to use against belligerent necrotarians who make lofty claims about how much healthier and more natural what they eat is when compared to the "fake" meats some vegans like to eat.

[Gliondrach]

My brother worked for a butcher when he left school and he said that they put all the rubbishy meat in the sausages. He said that even when the ingredients fell on the floor they would be picked back up, sawdust and all, and put in the sausage-making machine.

[Fauxmage]

I believe it.

Egg: A female gamete; an ovum. Also called egg cell. The round or oval female reproductive body of various animals, including mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, fishes, and insects, consisting usually of an embryo surrounded by nutrient material and a protective covering. Though necrotarians do not blanch at the idea of consuming the unfertilized menstrual byproducts of animals of the order Galliformes, it can be entertaining to suggest to them that next time they want scrambled "eggs" for breakfast, they squeeze them out of some tampons. Now that's a completely cruelty-free source of female reproductive bodies and menstrual byproducts!

[thevegantwins]

^^ That's how I got Mr. TVT to stop wanting an omelette for breakfast. Somehow, his dish didn't seem as satisfying once he realized he was consuming either hen menstrual waste or an aborted chicken fetus.

[Charmagne]

My brother worked for a butcher when he left school and he said that they put all the rubbishy meat in the sausages. He said that even when the ingredients fell on the floor they would be picked back up, sawdust and all, and put in the sausage-making machine.

They put all that crap in weiners (hot dogs) as well. My step-mother's cardiologist told her that a hot dog was the worst food she could eat. She didn't listen - as she passed away about 10 years ago.

[my3labs]

This is a great thread.
I find it interesting tho that people freak out over eating an animal's foot but don't think twice about eating another part of it's flesh. It's really all societal.

It's like every single conversation I've had with omni's about eating a dog, and of course, they all say "No way I would ever eat a dog", but they eat cows, chickens, pigs, all day long. What the hell is the difference?

It boggles the mind.

[Fauxmage]

Yes, or ask them if they would drink human breast milk. They think that's disgusting, but they don't mind sucking it out of a cow or a goat.

[Oracl]

Cheese: I couldn't describe it any better than this -

The stolen milk of another species, that had been curdled with the stomach contents of that species young, then left to rot for months. It was called cheese.

[Fauxmage]

Milk: 1. Any of a number of naturally occuring plant saps, having a white, creamy appearance. 2. A healthy, delicious beverage which can be made from a variety of nuts, seeds, grains, or beans. Not to be confused with...

Lactation: Substance secreted from the mammary glands of the females of mammals, marsupials, and monotremes, intended as the exclusive food of their respective young until the age of weaning, when the ability to consume solid food develops. However, various opportunistic parasites and scavengers will ingest this substance, such as certain species of gull, which have been observed consuming seal lactation when it spills into the sand while the baby seal is nursing, and of course necrotarians, who like to suck mixtures of lactation, blood, and pus out of the teats of cattle, sheep, and goats. In fact, the female necrotarian often chooses to substitute her own lactation with that of other species when she gives birth, in spite of the connection between the consumption of cow lactation and the onset of Type I diabetes, an autoimmune disease that destroys the pancreas and requires the sufferer to inject insulin in order to stay alive.

The necrotarian prefers to kill the offspring for whom the lactation is intended, so that he may steal the entire supply, and the cleverest, most greedy necrotarians have developed hormones which will increase the production of this lactation to levels that are thousands of times greater than what is natural, or intended for the growth of the infants for whom this substance is truly intended.

[Fauxmage]

Kopi Luwak: This coffee has been selected by Paradoxurus hermaphroditis, better known as the Common Palm Civet Cat. It prowls the Sumatran coffee plantations at night, choosing to eat only the finest, ripest coffee cherries. The stones (which eventually form coffee beans) are passed through the digestive tract and deposited in the stool. Necrotarians, who claim that this is "the rarest and perhaps most extraordinary coffee in the world", sift through the excrement to obtain the coffee beans, which are then roasted and turned into a beverage.

Premarin: The commercial name for compound drug consisting primarily of conjugated estrogens. Isolated from mare's urine (PREgnant MARes' urINe), it is manuactured by Wyeth Pharmaceuticals and has been marketed since 1942. It is available in both oral (0.4/0.625/1.25mg) and topical form. Female necrotarians have been convinced by the drug-pushing industry that menopause is not a natural life stage, but a disease whose symptoms may be assuaged by consuming the equine hormones found in horse urine.

Honey: Galaxy Magazine says it just like I would.
"Bumble barf, wasp whoop, bee vomit, apis spew, hornet hoop, Hymenoptera hurl. These and several other not so flowery phrases refer to the regurgitated product from certain insects -- mostly Apis mellifera. If someone walked up to you at a party with an invitation to partake of a sticky partially-digested amber fluid that had been robbed from wax holding vessels filled by vomit (from small flying insects) intended for storage, continued digestion and consumption by themselves and their children, would you say 'Yes that sounds marvelous, I'd love to try some'? No. I don't think so."

These three latest entries in our "Necrotarian Food Guide" are proof that not only are necrotarians ready, willing, and able to eat the shit, piss, and vomit of other animals, they will pay a premium price for these substances, since none of the above may be considered inexpensive, with the exception of very cheap, low quality honey.
The necrotarian is truly an organism which will eat anything that can't get away from it.

[Charmagne]

The necrotarian is truly an organism which will eat anything that can't get away from it.

Here, here!:agree::(

[Gliondrach]

Thank goodness we saw the light.