Vegan Quotes, Wisecracks, and Useful Comebacks

[Fauxmage]

Waaaaaa! I made up the following wisecrack to use against necrotarians who argue about plants feeling pain too, and now it is getting mixed up, misquoted, and, worst of all, I'm not getting any credit for my genius!!!
;) :rolleyes: :D :bhead:

So here it is folks, in its original version:

"Let's make a deal. If you promise to watch a video of what goes on in a slaughterhouse, I'll watch a video of a strawberry harvest."

Its made an appearance here (http://www.veganforum.com/forums/showthread.php?p=266338#post266338) and here (http://www.vegsoc.org.au/forum_messages.asp?Thread_ID=4456&Topic_ID=1). I think my own version is much more svelte than the newer versions, don't you guys? :flirt: :o

I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek here, but I can't help feeling a little proud of myself that this is breaking out of its original place and making the rounds of vegan forums. Just remember where you heard the original masterpiece, folks! :o :shy: :curtsey:

[Charmagne]

Amazing how things get changed down the line! Yes - yours is much better and they should give credit where credit is due! We should tell them!!:call:

[Fauxmage]

Did you ever play that slumber party game, Charmagne, where someone whispers something in the next person's ear, and that person whispers it to the next, and so on til you get back to the original author, who tells everyone what the original version was? Its always quite different from what it started out to be. :D

[paul]

yours by far the best.:master:
that seasider seams a bit fiesty:D

i'll rember it and use it my self.:agree:

[Fauxmage]

that seasider seams a bit fiesty:D
Yes, that's why I think its time I retired her from the Web. :boat: ;)

[Fauxmage]

OK, someone else think of one now. :agree:

[Oracl]

OK, someone else think of one now. :agree:
No way! :eek: I'm too frightened of that Seaside character. :crying: :dark: She might claim it as hers too! ;) :rofl:

[Fauxmage]

Hey!!! :rollingpin:

[Oracl]

Whose side are you on? :grumble: Don't tell me you and Seaside are friends or something! :rolleyes:

[Fauxmage]

Exposed! And I thought we were doing such a good job of keeping it a secret. :friends:

[Oracl]

:lol:

[Fauxmage]

You know, Seaside also says "if you can't laugh at yourself, you've got no business laughing at anything else", which I think is very wise. :agree: :professor: :lol: And leads me to realize that if you can't make fun of yourself, you've got no business making fun of anything else. :laugh:

[Oracl]

Very true! :agree: :lol:

[Fauxmage]

OK, NOW will someone else think of one, before I dig up another one of my old chestnuts? I do seem to recall something about the colostomy bag industry going bankrupt if everyone gave up eating meat. :wigglebutt: :blecch:

[Gliondrach]

I didn't see the alternative comment in the first link but yours is better than the one in the second link. Yours is shorter and pithier. The people who use it and claim it as their own are thieves and vagabonds.

A friend of mine, Nitram Nagev the great poet and philosopher, has penned many wise sayings and even created a genre of jokes. Some of these have spread around the world but he gets no credit. Being a philosopher and all-round splendid chap, he just smiles enigmatically to himself when he sees one being used. His satisfaction comes from knowing that his creations are now in the consciousness of many and that they help to improve these people and to lighten the burdens that they carry in life.

Chinese whispers - that game played in slumwear parties - has a good example in an old wartime favourite. 'Send reinforcements, we're going to advance,' becomes 'Send three and fourpence, we're going to a dance.'

For those of you who are not familiar with proper money, three and fourpence is three shillings and fourpence - from the days before the UK adopted the present Bank of Toytown money.

[paul]

Mmm my the comeback i use most is F*~# off.
well its not really but i cant think of one at the moment.

[thevegantwins]

For those of you who are not familiar with proper money, three and fourpence is three shillings and fourpence - from the days before the UK adopted the present Bank of Toytown money.
I had to explain to Mr. TVT about tuppence after watching Mary Poppins (for about 100 times the last month). He thought tuppence was something besides money.

[Gliondrach]

I'm glad you enlightened him.

One response to anyone who insults the vegan way, and keeping with the currency slang, is to threaten to give them a fourpenny one. Right on the chops.

[thevegantwins]

One comeback I use for 'religious' people who say the bible says humans have dominion over animals is that one of the 10 commandments is Thou Shall Not Kill. It doesn't say Thou Shall Not Kill Humans. I'm not religious but religious people have brought that up to Mr. TVT and I.

[Fauxmage]

Yes, I like that one too. :agree:

[dreamer]

I've used that one--it doesn't say "THOU SHALT NOT KILL HUMANS"--b4 too. But also, "dominion" was really intended more to be that you are the caregiver/manager, not torturing murderer. After all, my understanding is that the Bible at least implies that parents have dominion over their children, but we certainly wouldn't eat or torture our children:no:

[Fauxmage]

It speaks to the character of the person, who chooses to interpret it in a beneficient way, or a malignant, brutal one. What I always wonder is why anyone wants the idea, of being given dominion over others by God, to mean permission to torture and slaughter.

[dreamer]

Exactly...it makes me think of one of my brothers (who has said to me in the past that animals are here to protect us or be eaten:mad: ). One time he had been playing a computer game forever and couldn't figure out how to get past a bear in the entrance of a cave. I sat down at the computer and saw an apple on the screen. "I" picked up the apple, walked over, and gave it to the bear. The bear allowed me to go into the cave at that point and my brother said, "that's stupid"--since you weren't supposed to (or able to) kill the bear:hbang:

[Gliondrach]

Giving a fierce cave bear an apple is a lot safer than trying to kill one. Nicer, too.

[dreamer]

Exactly:D I would much rather play games where you have to think and be compassionate than just kill a bunch of stuff...not to say I haven't played some games where you have to kill lots of people/monsters and enjoyed it;) (But never non-human animals;) )

[Fauxmage]

Somebody whose username I can't remember posted this at another forum:
"Compassion does not become hypocritical just because it can't be practiced absolutely."
I'll always remember that, even though I can't remember the user (she only made about four posts before disappearing).

I also like what Alistair always had as his signature at another forum:
"If compassion is extreme then call me an extremist."
That's a good one. :agree:

Someone named Sandra made the following comment in response to someone who used to age-old "life is too short for _____" on another forum:
"Life is the longest thing any of us will ever know."
True, and very wise. :thumbsup:

[dreamer]

That reminds me of another discussion I saw on a different forum...do you think to be truly vegan, you should believe in pacifism too? I personally do, but I believe at times it's impossible to completely 100% follow those ideals...just like veganism:rubchin:

I tend to consider pacifism as Keith Akers describes...it does not mean being passive or quiet (i.e., many people equate pacifism with being passive and it is not), but rather believing in and practicing compassionate non-violence even as you stand up for what you believe is right.

[Bowwowmeow]

I don't know. I personally am willing and able to become violent in self defense, or in defending someone else. I'm not aggressive in any way. But I guess that means I'm not a pacifist. :confused: :o

[dreamer]

I don't think that your description excludes pacifism...I kind-of agree with what Jo Stepaniak said about pacifism and self-defense on her message board:
As a pacifist, I believe in trying to find the most nonviolent solution to any conflict or confrontation. Violence is aggression, and aggression is violence. Using physical means to protect oneself when other methods of self-defense are unavailable or unfeasible is not violence or aggression, and as such, fits into the paradigm of pacifism.

From the Yahoo! education dictionary, the definition of violence is: Physical force exerted for the purpose of violating, damaging, or abusing. So if your purpose was not to violate, damage, or abuse, but rather to defend yourself, technically that wouldn't be violence. I've actually seen arguments where some pacifists argue against violence even in self-defense, but generally the train of thought seems to mirror Jo's (above) in that you attempt to solve the confrontation in every other way possible, but if you have to defend yourself physically, you are not being violent. It kinda makes me think of the old show "Kung Fu" in that Caine was taught to do the least harm possible while still keeping himself and others safe...so he would often discuss the problem first (to try to solve it), then if that didn't work and the person became violent, he would just keep out of the way if possible, but if that wasn't possible, he would then try only to disable the person w/o doing any permanent harm, if that wasn't possible, then he would "maim" them, but if it still continued, only then would he kill.

[Gliondrach]

I liked watching Kung Fu.

Teddy Roosevelt gave good advice about being safe in violent times: 'Walk softly and carry a big stick.'

[dreamer]

I asbolutely love the show Kung Fu. There's a channel showing it on my satellite system and just watching it makes me feel more "Zen":)

[Gliondrach]

I was a bit disappointed in him when he gave in to temptations of the flesh with a woman he met. Very un-monk-like, I thought.

[dreamer]

Don't some Buddhists (I dunno about monks...you're probably right about that) think there are many paths to enlightenment, including "fleshly" delights (as long as your actions do not cause harm)?

[Gliondrach]

I don't know. But there are some Satanists who believe that there are many paths to enlightenment, including the causing or harm as long as it doesn't cause delight.

I'm in a silly mood today. Can you guess?

[dreamer]

Yeah...that's a good thing IMO;) I haven't know any Satanists or even studied them, so I can't say about their beliefs...except I knew another christian who hated Santa because the letters could also spell Satan:rolleyes:

I looked up Buddhism and found the Eight-fold path:

The Eightfold path shows the way to enlightenment by overcoming desire.
* Right views-Define the problem.
* Right intent- Are you sure you want enlightenment?
* Right Speech-Take care in what you say.
* Right Conduct-(5 precepts)
* Do not kill,
* Do not steal,
* Do not lie,
* Do not be unchaste,
* Do not drink intoxicants
* Right Livelihood-Engage in occupations that promote life and spiritual progress.
* Right Effort- Will yourself to continue and you will reach you goal.
* Right Mindfulness- Become aware of why and how you do everyday things.
* Right concentration- Your mind should be fine tuned to not stray from what you are thinking.

The Five Precepts are:
1. Do not kill
2. Do not steal
3. Do not indulge in sexual misconduct
4. Do not make false speech
5. Do not take intoxicants

[Fauxmage]

The following was posted by someone I don't know, on another forum. I was so impressed I had to "steal" it and share it with you guys:

I don't think you can say humans are intelligent until they take the same level of responsibility as they do liberties.
I agree 100%. :agree:

[Oracl]

Me too! :agree: :thumbsup:

[dreamer]

I don't know how useful this "comeback" is, but I had a friend (when I was lacto-ovo veggie--so I think this will apply even more to veganism) who constantly told me that I should eat meat because humans can eat meat. He also picked on me because once on a trip I ate a peice of chicken (this was years ago) because I was really hungry and there weren't many options--now I'd find an option!--and it made me sick: I was nauseous all day and constipated for 3 days. He said my "illness" showed that I had ruined my digestive system by not eating meat. Here's what I told him, "well, that's like putting regular unleaded in a car that requires super unleaded...the car might run, but it won't last as long and it won't run very smoothly."

[dreamer]

Oh, same topic, I had a co-worker who mentioned that he hadn't eaten any beef in a while, then got sick when he ate a steak. Then he said, "but I guess if you haven't eaten anything in quite some time, it would make you sick." I said, "well, if you haven't eaten something that isn't healthy in quite some time and then eat it, you're probably right. But if you haven't eaten something healthy like a sweet potato and then do so, I doubt you'd get sick." He said, "you're probably right":D

[Fauxmage]

"When you eat a rump roast, you're eating a cow's butt." ~ Butthead

[dreamer]

I know when I first became vegan, I was kinda vocal about it in my classes. When I first became vegan (switching from vegetarianism), I mainly used the health argument. I don't know how many of my students (and family members) said, "well, you have to die from something and I'd rather enjoy myself b4 I do." I always pointed out that yes, everyone dies, but would you rather live to a ripe old age and still be fairly active and healthy until then or would you like to have an early death that will probably be slow, lingering, and painful? Usually none of them said anything back to that, though I got a lot of :rolleyes: as though they thought I was overstating the facts.

[Fauxmage]

"well, you have to die from something and I'd rather enjoy myself b4 I do."
I really don't see that many people enjoying themselves anyway, except when they are drunk in bars or at parties, which is not my idea of experiencing real joy. I love to observe people at the grocery store, and correlate their appearances with what's in their shopping carts. The ones with the most meat don't look to me like they are the ones having the most fun. I suspect they are the ones with the most prescriptions in their medicine cabinets.

Eating to live is always better than living to eat. Not that I don't have dietary vices. But I can enjoy myself by eating chocolate cake just as much as the next guy, probably even more so, because I know my chocolate cake is actually better for me than the crap most people think of as chocolate cake. And its better for the animals, too. Now that's enjoyment. :agree:

[Oracl]

I love to observe people at the grocery store, and correlate their appearances with what's in their shopping carts.
I do this too! :agree:

[Fauxmage]

GMTA :lightbulb:

[Phoenix]

I love to observe people at the grocery store, and correlate their appearances with what's in their shopping carts. The ones with the most meat don't look to me like they are the ones having the most fun. I suspect they are the ones with the most prescriptions in their medicine cabinets.
:whistle: Apparently certain vegans need to make an extra effort to "put on a happy face" next time they go shopping! People seem to love inspecting my shopping - I'll make a mental note to :D next time it happens!

[dreamer]

I personally enjoy my vegan food more than I ever enjoyed meat-filled food, but I always felt bad about eating fellow creatures:( I also feel that my food (even the "junk" food like chocolate cake) is better for me than what I used to eat, even as a lacto-ovo veggie. So I agree that omnis aren't really enjoying life/food more, but they think they are, so that's what they argue:(

I'll try to look happier when I go to the store next too:)

[Gliondrach]

I'll put on my best Pop Larkin face when I'm doing my shopping. Smiles and good humour abounding.

All naked vegans must endeavour to be more cheerful at all times. Especially when meatheads are watching.

[dreamer]

Especially when meatheads are watching.
:lol: :laugh: :rofl:

[Bowwowmeow]

. . .the most fundamental norm of this society -- THOU SHALL NOT REFUSE TO DINE ON THE REMAINS OF MURDERED ANIMALS! ~ Dr Stephen Best

Tearing the flesh of chickens, drinking the blood of cows, and gnawing on the bones of pigs -- such is the Tao of the "civilized." ~ Dr Stephen Best

More can be found in this interesting article (http://www.drstevebest.org/papers/vegenvani/aliens.php). I've never heard of Stephen Best before. Has anyone else? The above statements are sarcastic references to what necrotarians hold closest to their cold, stony hearts.

[Gliondrach]

I've heard of him but haven't read anything by him. I will read that page later. Thanks.

[Fauxmage]

"Veganism is not about food; it is about reverence for life." ~ Joanne Stepaniak

[Gliondrach]

I saw that film that Stephen Best referred to. It was on television a few weeks ago. I don't recall the aliens being vegans, though. Perhaps I wasn't paying attention. I sometimes let my mind wonder when I am watching films. Someone says something and I am off thinking about it.

[Oracl]

I sometimes let my mind wonder when I am watching films. Someone says something and I am off thinking about it.
You are in great company, I do exactly the same thing! :agree: I also often notice minute details and continuity errors and then completely lose track of the plot. :o

[Oracl]

More can be found in this interesting article. I've never heard of Stephen Best before. Has anyone else? The above statements are sarcastic references to what necrotarians hold closest to their cold, stony hearts.

That is very interesting. :agree: I hadn't heard of him either. :no:

[Gliondrach]

I have Carl Sagan's Cosmos book. Never read it. I've had it for over 20 years. I'll have to find it.

[Fauxmage]

If you can read this, you're too old to drink milk.

[Oracl]

Excellent! :agree:

[my3labs]

If you can read this, you're too old to drink milk.

OMG that is funny!!!

[Fauxmage]

To forgive and accept injustice is cowardice. ~ Mohandas Gandhi

Each snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty. ~ Stanislaw Lec

Flesh eating is unprovoked murder. ~ Ben Franklin

[Gliondrach]

I particularly like the snowflake one. Many's the time when someone says that if they give up eating meat it wouldn't make a bit of difference.

[Bowwowmeow]

Many vegans who are vegans strictly for health reasons have one end in mind: themselves. This runs directly contrary to the ethical and moral orientation of veganism. ~ Bob Torres

[Oracl]

Many vegans who are vegans strictly for health reasons...
Would these "health vegans" wear plastic shoes and belts, I wonder? :shakehead: I can't really believe that there is any person who is truly vegan (using the correct definition) strictly for health reasons! :skeptical:

[Bowwowmeow]

Some folks are impressed by labels. Especially the ones that don't fit them very well. ;)

[dreamer]

There's a lady here who calls herself a vegan. It kinda irritates me when people come up to me and say, "oh, Trudy is a vegan too." I have to say, "no, she's a complete vegetarian. Vegans will not eat nor wear animal products. Trudy doesn't care about animals, she just thinks it's healthier to not eat most animal products." (I know this because she told me that she doesn't worry about wearing animal products, she still eats honey, and she will even eat non-vegan things when she goes out to eat because "I'm not going to let this diet completely limit me all the time.":rolleyes:) Yet she still does tell people that she's a vegan.

[Gliondrach]

A bit like sailing under a flag of convenience. A vegan of convenience.

[dreamer]

I agree...and what's really sad is that she said that she knows how horribly animals are treated because when she was a truck driver, she sometimes hauled animals to the slaughterhouse:no:

[Gliondrach]

I suppose she's trying. Your good example might help her to improve.

[dreamer]

I wish, but she just laughs at me. She's mainly "raw" complete vegetarian (drinks lots of juices) and will talk to you almost forever about the health benefits, but acts like you're an extremist if you mention concern for animals and that ethics are part of true veganism.

[Gliondrach]

You could remind her of the things she saw when she took animals to slaughterhouses and ask her why it is extreme to want to stop that.

[Bowwowmeow]

I wish we could get people to quit all this veg*n, ovolactovegetarian, pescatarian, freegan, flexitarian crap.

Vegans are ethically and morally motivated to eliminate animal exploitation from their lives. A vegan is an herbivore by default; they eat an exclusively plant based diet, but go way beyond diet itself, because they are compassionate and empathetic.

Herbivore: plant eater. If all you care about is your own health, and eat plants only, why not call yourself an herbivore?

Omnivore: Morally bankrupt human creatures who will eat anything, including parasitizing female mammals for their lactation. They draw the line at devouring corpses, but everything else is fair game. Or unfair game, depending on how you look at it.

Necrovore: Morally destitute human creatures who eat the dead, in addition to everything an omnivore will eat.

I won't add carnivore here as a category, because human creatures are not capable of consuming raw freshly killed animals without becoming ill or getting infected with bacteria or parasites.

:whistle:

[Oracl]

Herbivore is a good name for a 'dietary vegan'. :agree: And 'vegetarians' are really omnivores. :agree:

I hate the word 'veg*n', it is meaningless. :shakehead: :rolleyes:

[Phoenix]

What is a 'freegan' or a 'flexitarian'?

[Gliondrach]

I think a flexitarian is a vegetarian who will eat meat when it is convenient to do so - perhaps when there is nothing else on the menu. A freegan tries to live by not buying anything, I think.

[thevegantwins]

Freegans are dumpster divers who will eat dead animals but still consider themselves vegan because they didn't buy the dead animal. :confused:

[Phoenix]

Thank you both for the answers.

Some people - freegans & flexitarians - are weird & confusing.

[Bowwowmeow]

The corruption of society begins with the failure to call things by their proper names. ~ Confucius

[Tails4wagging]

I cried because I had no shoes, till I saw a man with no feet--confucious

[thevegantwins]

BTW, once I started using "food bigots," I had someone try to call me one for not eating animal products. I pointed out that I don't consider that food bigotry because animals and their products are not human food IMO:thumbsup:

[Fauxmage]

"Our habit of moralizing problems, merging them with intuitions of purity and contamination, and resting content when we feel the right feelings, can get in the way of doing the right thing." ~ Steven Pinker

[Fauxmage]

"The strongest power does not come close to the energy with which some people defend their weaknesses." ~ Karl Kraus

[Oracl]

"Whenever people say 'we mustn't be sentimental,' you can take it they are about to do something cruel. And if they add, 'we must be realistic,' they mean they are going to make money out of it."
~ Brigid Antonia Brophy

[Bowwowmeow]

That's a good one Oracl. I know I've read it somewhere before.

[Fauxmage]

“A million people can call the mountains a fiction, yet it need not trouble you as you stand atop them.” ~ Randall Munroe

[Oracl]

"Today, in Australia, we all question the morality of having used Aboriginal children as 'guinea pigs' in the past. I look forward to the day when we also question the morality of using guinea pigs as 'guinea pigs'." ~ Oracl Shugeh

[thevegantwins]

:D :cheer:

[Bowwowmeow]

Oracl Shugeh
Any relation to the Nagev clan?

[Oracl]

:whistle:

[Gliondrach]

The Shugehs are a branch of the Nagevs - you can tell this by their wisdom.

[Phoenix]

The Shugehs are a branch of the Nagevs - you can tell this by their wisdom.

:agree: :agree: :agree:

[Bowwowmeow]

"Man's structure, external and internal, compared with that of other animals shows that fruit and succulent vegetables constitute his natural food." ~ Linnaeus

[gibby]

I used to get asked alot - what does that taste like
when I offered em a taste they screw up their faces & refuse.

Dont know where it came from but someone asked me what tofu tasted like?
"Squirrel" I replied.
It usually shuts em up & they look confused (I think they find the idea of eat one rather sick"
But now & then they dig a little deeper - What do you mean? they will ask
" a bit nutty" I will answer

No one evey gets the joke but it really shuts em up.

The other one I just learnt
If they ask you why you eat vegan food?
"cos its tastes terrific"

G

[gibby]

Thought of another

If your round a table & your being grilled its best just to ask them questions back - as you never win an argument & I find as long as you dont get agressive or defensive ppl usually dont get nasty

But a good question is ( & can cause upset but you can tone it down)
Why do you eat meat? - usually makes em think

then ask, do you eat McDonalds?
then ask, why do they call it a happy meal?
let em answer & then ask, is it because the animal was happy when it pissed & shit itself as it had its throat cut & had its skin ripped off whilst still alive?

No - they will reply, its because it makes you happy!
"so it makes you happy? You must like the thick shakes too?" (cos it makes them thick!!)

G

[Gliondrach]

Yes, asking them questions is a good idea. Asking why they eat meat can only have one logical (to them) answer. Because they like the taste. It can easily be shown that they don't need to eat it for health reasons. It's just the taste. And they are willing to let other animals suffer and die horribly so they can fill their bellies with something they don't need, because they like the taste. That's the reasoning or excuse of the rapist: as long as he enjoys himself, his victim's suffering doesn't matter.

[Bowwowmeow]

Dont know where it came from but someone asked me what tofu tasted like?
"Squirrel" I replied.

This made me laugh out loud. :laugh:

[gibby]

usually when I ask em why they eat meat they answer beacuse they were brought up to do so

I find by keeping asking questions & then asking someone else in the room or around the table "what do you think of that answer"

I do find it better not to get defensive, you can just reply "interesting".
What I do find is if you let the converstaion keep going & dont become the centre of it, people usually discuss & discuss until someone says "Ive often though about going veggie" & others agree & then talk about what would help them go that way.

Smart answers are fun but usually push you towards an argument. I try to create a discussion rather than answer it all & be "right".
this way people can ask their questions & hopefully think about it.

Im sure lots of people would go veggie with a little help as long as they thought it was a +ve thing to do & not look like an idot (with a hemp jumper & protesting outside KFC)

G

[Gliondrach]

Yes, it's good to let people think of their own answers and think that an idea is their own. That's what Carnegie said in How to Win Friends and Influence People, the book that has been mentioned elsewhere in the forum.