A relationship between a vegan and a meat eater...

[Dana]

So I have been vegetarian for many years growing up because my mother was as well. I have been vegan for a year. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and he's a meat eater (although he did attempt to go vegetarian and was one for 6 months).

That's not so much the problem. He doesn't understand veganism no matter how many times I try to explain my reasoning. He tries though...never makes me cook meat, always tries to pick good restaurants.

The problem is I've been staying with his family in Germany for a month now. His mom loves vegetarians, and the food here is great. The problem is with his sister. She doesn't approve of veganism and says its extra work for her mother (even though I mostly prepare my own food) or that they feel "sad" when they're all enjoying some ofen käse (oven cheese) at night and I'm just eating an apple.

I was assured by my boyfriend that my veganism wouldn't be a problem, but it's turning out otherwise. I have two weeks left here and every night when we're eating and the parents are away she launches a whole anti-vegan attack and of course, everyone agrees with her.

She even went so far as to make a pudding one day, and she said it was with soy. I ate a lot, thinking it was a gesture of friendship. My heart fell when I saw the whole milk on the stove and noticed my soymilk container was still full. My boyfriend wouldn't believe me...a few days later she admitted it to our faces. He didn't say anything back to her. It was simply a "test" to her to see if I was really vegan.

I don't know what to do about a future sister-in-law who has such a problem with my moral values. She constantly says it's immature and selfish of me and that I'm making it hard on everyone else and why can't I just not be vegan for this month. What are some good ways for getting people off your back? Her issue with my diet is destroying my relationsip, as he is now starting to see it as a problem too.

[Gliondrach]

Hello Dana. Welcome. :wave:

This woman is obviously not to be trusted. Let's hope she doesn't secretly give someone with a peanut allergy some peanut butter, telling them it is something else. I wonder if she would knowingly and willingly buy something that was made my child slaves for someone who was opposed to child slavery? Would she think that person was making her do extra work or being unreasonble because she would have to travel an extra mile to buy something not made by slaves for that person? Perhaps that person should put away their bleeding heart morality about slavery for a month and just buy and use things made by slaves - so as not to be immature and selfish.

You will have to handle things carefully because meat eaters are easily upset if you question their ethics. Be careful if you are tempted to hit back or accuse her of being selfish and uncaring. Better just to stick to your guns but without going on the attack.

If they say they feel sorry for you because you can't enjoy the cheese they are eating, you could say that your knowledge of the suffering involved in the dairy industry would spoil any enjoyment you might get. You could also buy some cheezly or some similar vegan 'cheese', and then you could join them them in their snacking.

The best way to get her off your back is to be consistent and uncompromising in your veganism. Give her an inch and she'll want a mile. She might come to respect your ethics one day. If she doesn't, that's her problem. Your boyfriend will respect you if you are consistent. He should respect you and shouldn't try to control how you think or act.

Good luck. It might not be easy but you can do it. You'll always find moral support here.

[Bowwowmeow]

I don't think you will win her over, and I am not sure it's the veganism. If you weren't vegan, I have no doubt she would be nit picking about something else. Some in laws are just like that.

You need to tell her in no uncertain terms to lay off. It needn't be rude, though I am sure she will see it that way. But you need to be firm. Good luck!

[gabbles]

Welcome :wave:

I have nothing to add except to be careful.

[LetsEat]

Welcome.

There are lots of ways to respond, lots of realistic quips. Thing is, words don't teach. Ever. Living our perspectives, being ourselves can. Thing is, you don't wanna be 'fixed', nor does he. Love is indeed a bridge. Love can make us see the broader pictures and more, ect. And only you can know how that should look to you.

The more I find being in my own skin, using my own guidance system, not another, the more I don't give a rip about others opinions, and that's as it should be. don't let anyone else re-program your guidance system. No one can know what that is but you. :)
Hugs
Ruth

[LetsEat]

double post sorry