Vegan Expressions.

[Gliondrach]

A thread to veganise words and phrases especially those that use other animals to describe human behaviour.

'No room to swing a cat', becomes 'no room to swing a butcher.' Actually, 'cat' refers to the 'cat o' nine tails' but most people think it refers to moggies.

'As giddy as a goose', becomes 'as giddy as a meat eater.'

'Stubborn as a donkey', becomes 'stubborn as a vivisector who knows vivisection doesn't work but keeps doing it anyway.'

'Like a cat on a hot tin roof', becomes 'like a vivisector at a SHAC meeting.'

[Vinnie]

Don't count your chickens before they're hatched = Don't eat your corn before it's grown.

Or don't harvest your corn before it's ripe. :professor:

[Gliondrach]

'Fine words butter no parsnips', becomes 'Fine words grease no baking trays.'

[Fauxmage]

You can't make baba ganoush without breaking some eggplants. :eggplant:

[Doughnut]

There's more than one way to skin a reefer. :beanie:

[Gliondrach]

Kill two birds with one stone, becomes Demolish two arguments in favour of vivisection with one example to show that they are both wrong.

All right, it doesn't trip off the tongue as easily.

[Blueshark]

Big Cheese - Big Tofuburger.

[Blueshark]

Kill The Fatted Calf - Steam The Prized Pumpkin

[Blueshark]

Lame Duck - Mouldy Potato

[Fauxmage]

Hot enough outside to scramble tofu on the hood of your car.

[Gliondrach]

Like a fish out of water - Like a vivisector asked to do some real science.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush - an apple in the hand is worth two on the tree.

As greedy as a pig - as greedy as an MP filling in his expenses claim.

[Doughnut]

Eat drink and be Vegan.

Let there be vitalite.

Living off the soy of the land.

Thou shalt not kill (keep this one the same :) )

[Gliondrach]

Like a bat out of Hell - Like a slaughterhouse worker running from an unshackled bull.

[Gliondrach]

Time to go international. The German term of abuse, 'schweinhund', which means 'pig-dog', is insulting to pigs and dogs because a contemptible human is likened to them. So, in future the new word 'blairbush' is to be used.

Schweinhund - blairbush.

[Gliondrach]

Like a rat up a drainpipe (which means 'quick to take advantage' or 'seek an opportunity'), becomes Like a vivisector filling in his grant application.

[Gliondrach]

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink, becomes: You can lead a vivisector to water but you can't make him wash the blood off his hands.

[Bowwowmeow]

Pulling the wool over your eyes becomes pulling the viscose over your eyes.

[manzana]

You can't make a ring without breaking some onions, so stop crying over spilt tears, because there's plenty of salt in the sea, and don't put all of your bagels in one basket, or cast your purrs before swingers. :updn:

[Gliondrach]

Very good. But greedy. :whistle:

[manzana]

Enthusiastic methinks. :dancecow: Till the cows leave home.

[manzana]

Like a suit in nudist's clothing. :wigglebutt:

[manzana]

Easy to hit as a sitting truck.

[manzana]

Chickpea soup for the soul.

[manzana]

Going the whole hogweed.

[manzana]

Eat crowberry.

[manzana]

Go cold tofurky.

[manzana]

You can't make a wet nurse from a cold beer.

[manzana]

Hookup, linen, and winker.

[manzana]

Wish or cut rate.

[manzana]

You can't unscramble a brain on drugs.

[manzana]

You can't teach an old omnivore new veganisms.

[manzana]

To err is human, to forgive is vegan.

[Gliondrach]

As stubborn as a mule - as stubborn as a meat eater who won't give up meat even though he knows it's the right thing to do and would be better for the planet.

For brevity, just the bolded part can be used.

[Gliondrach]

A wolf in sheep's clothing - a vivisector in a beagle costume.

[manzana]

Don't count your chickpeas before they're smashed.

I guess that's also an oxymoron.

[manzana]

I am vegan, hear me burp.